There are many things to be said about toilets. The toilet is a window into the socioeconomic and cultural soul of a nation.
The shape of the toilet bowl reflects our attitude bodily waste and to how we consider and accept our biological envelope (the body).
The British Toilet provides a sheer drop, which can be cushioned by paper, and yet allowing the user to be blissfully unaware of what food looks like when it comes out the other side. Our five senses are safe from the unfortunate downfalls of being alive.
The German Toilet offers a concave recipient system. The user is at leisure to scrutinize the results of his digestion for medical purposes, but must do without the helpful sound and odour buffer.
Very obviously, the toilets in our new offices were designed by a man. Hardly a foot separates the ceramic toilet bowl from the door – and this despite the two metres of extra space in front of the cubicle – it is my firm belief that he was either an idiot or a misogynist.
Squatting is an art mastered by two segments of the Federation’s population : women and tadjiki men – the latter squat with beer bottles and sunflower seeds and the footpath, the former hover painstakingly over a ceramic toilet bowl attempting to control backsplash with their pelvic muscles.
And the sad truth is that we will never admit this.
But with barely a foot to squat and clench, hold the trousers, get toilet paper whilst not brushing up against the toilet bowl, there is no doubt that the person who designed it, could have only designed it for upright users.
This, combined with the absolute lack of mirrors throughout the 7 floors of our building, excluding the lift (fixed by a guy with a pen today), has brought me to the conclusion that the president can’t really be serious about improving the birthrate in this country.